3 Ways to Be a Better Friend to Yourself in Midlife

Today, we’re diving into the topic of how to be a better friend to yourself in midlife.

I know this idea can sound odd, especially when we try as Christian women to love others the way God asks us to. Thinking too much about ourselves can make us feel uncomfortable.

But being a good friend to yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential. In fact, it’s a reflection of God’s love in your life. A love that’s contagious and draws others in.

When you nurture your well-being by being a friend to yourself, you’ll be better equipped to live out your calling to love others well.

And there’s no better time to tackle this topic than midlife, when you might be adjusting to spending more time alone than you were ready for. 

So, let’s talk about three practical ways you can be a better friend to yourself in midlife and experience more of the joy God has waiting in your second half.

Why You Need to Be Your Own Friend in Midlife

There are so many times in life when reaching out to a good friend is the only move to make. Times when you want to share your joy or excitement. Like I did recently when my daughter got engaged. I couldn’t wait to celebrate that news with my friends!

Or when you feel out of sorts or down because you’ve fallen short somehow. You’ve bungled a project or said the wrong thing or accidentally eaten more chocolate than your new healthy lifestyle allows.

In moments like these, talking to a friend who loves you is just what you need.

Someone who multiplies your joy when life is dishing out the blessings. And offers up just the right combination of tough love and grace to help you get back on track when you’ve messed up.

But there are times in life when the best friend you need is you. And midlife is just such a time.

Because for many of us, midlife means we’re spending more time alone. The nest is empty, or you’ve downsized to a new neighborhood where you don’t know as many people. Or maybe you’ve transitioned from a job where you saw people every day to a quieter life where you work or volunteer from home. 

You’re Spending More Time With YOU Than Ever

Life has changed, and you’re spending more time with YOU than ever before.

That’s why learning to be a better friend to yourself is so important. It’s not about replacing the joy of connection with others—it’s about ensuring that the internal dialogue you carry around with yourself every day reflects the same kindness, grace, and encouragement you’d offer your closest friends.

So how do you do that? How can you show up for yourself in meaningful ways, especially in this season of life? Well, there are three practical ways you can become the friend you need—starting with the voice you use to speak to yourself.

The First Rule of Friendship: If You Can’t Say Something Nice . . .

“The best kinds of friends inspire each other with words and actions to love more…”  (Heb. 10:24)

To be an encouraging friend to yourself, you need to monitor those words and actions. You need to monitor your self-talk. Are you using language with yourself that you would never use with a friend?

Many of us allow a steady stream of unkind or uncaring remarks to bombard us daily from the inside out.

I haven’t met a woman yet who hasn’t shared a critical remark about herself with herself.

We all say things to ourselves that we would never say to someone else – we could never be that hurtful! And if we heard those words coming from the mouth of a friend? We would be deeply insulted and hurt. It might even end the friendship.

So, to be your own best friend, take an honest look at the things you allow yourself to say to you and about you. Then ask yourself what a good friend’s voice sounds like, and say that instead.

When it comes to self-talk, there’s one simple rule: If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.

Because the truth about that voice inside is that no matter where you go, it’s going to be coming along. How much better if it joined you as a kinder more encouraging friend?

Be a Better Friend by Sticking by Your Side

OK, you’re getting your self-talk back on track. Now, let’s talk about loyalty.

A true friend remains loyal through good times and bad. She doesn’t bail out or switch sides the minute things start looking dicey.

Proverbs puts it like this: a true friend loves at all times, is born for adversity, and sticks closer than a brother (Prov. 17:17 & 18:24).

So, to be a true friend to yourself, loyalty is essential. That means switching to the side of criticism when you fail is not an option.

Instead, you need to remind yourself that God is with you. He’ll strengthen you again and again, just as He has in the past. So no matter how badly you mess up, you are loved and not alone.

Loyalty means treating yourself with the same kindness and compassion you extend to others.

Now, you might not think of loyalty in this way, but it also encompasses taking time to rest, reflect, and recover when life feels overwhelming. Being mindful of what fuels comparison or negativity—like scrolling through social media—and taking intentional breaks to reset.

Loyalty also means showing up for your physical and emotional well-being regularly.

Moving your body, getting enough sleep, nourishing yourself with good food, and spending time outdoors in the fresh air and sunshine.

When you prioritize these healthy habits, you’re honoring the person God made you to be and building the foundation for a loyal, loving friendship with yourself.

Keep showing up for yourself, and you’ll learn to love the friend you are and the one you are becoming.

Learn to Love the Friend You Are and the One You’re Becoming

Learning to be a better friend to yourself in this season of life means taking time to discover who you actually are right here and now.

After all the years of filling roles and meeting responsibilities, who do you see when all of that is peeled away?

Where do you find your identity now? Is it in those past roles you filled or can you step back and see how the gifts, talents, and experiences God has given you are all part of a plan that He’s still unfolding for you?

One night, in a long string of nights I’d spent alone staring blankly at Netflix, I found myself thinking, “I wish I had someone interesting to hang out with right now.” And it was like a light bulb went off: “Hey! I could be that someone!”

I started thinking about what I would need to do to become more interesting to myself. I mean, if I’m going to be alone more, I want to be someone that I actually like being with.

Someone who could hold my own attention instead of holding the record for the most hours spent watching cat videos.

Are You the Kind of Friend You Want to Be With?

How about you? Are you an interesting friend to be with? What could you learn or discover that would make that happen for you?

Because when you start pursuing the life God wants for you, when you become curious about who He created you to be and who He wants you to become, you’ll become one of the most interesting people you know. Someone you will definitely like hanging out with. The kind of friend you want in midlife.

If you could use some help rediscovering who you are and what makes you interesting, I’m here for you.

You can find out more at BloomingintheMiddle.com, where you can sign up for a Midlife Strategy Session and get this friendship with yourself off and running.

The Friend You’re Looking For is the Friend Inside of You

Midlife is a season of change—empty nest, shifting roles, new challenges—it’s a time when good friends make navigating the ups and downs of life so much easier.

Isn’t it good to know that the friend you need in midlife can be YOU?

When you care for yourself with the same kindness, loyalty and love you so easily give to others, you reflect God’s love for you and those around you.  

You’ll be better equipped to live out your new purpose and calling and open yourself up to the joy He has waiting for you in the second half of life.

He’s not finished with you yet. It’s your time to shine.

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