Does being told what’s age-appropriate ruffle your feathers the way it does mine?
What about the term “aging gracefully”? Does it leave you feeling frustrated or maybe limited to a way of being that just isn’t enough for you?
If so, it’s time to trade in the old rules for how to age gracefully and adopt a new way of thinking about aging well.
Fair warning: It’s a way that some folks in this world will find weird.
But I’m guessing that by now, what the world thinks is really not that interesting to you anymore.
In today’s episode, I’m sharing how to step outside the box labeled “aging gracefully” and find another path toward aging well—a way that will lead you into your second half with the joy and confidence you deserve.
The Problem With Trying to Age By The Rules
There’s a whole lot of noise out there telling women of a certain age how to behave, from what clothes you should wear to the length and color of your hair, what activities to pursue, and so on.
But maybe, like me, you’ve learned through the years that rule-following or having a recipe for the supposed right way to live doesn’t always lead to the joy you’re hoping for.
Oh, it can definitely lead to fitting in. And wanting to fit in is part of all of us.
All of Us Want to Fit In
This was certainly true for me when I was young, especially as a teenager. I’m sure you can probably relate.
But I can see how it played out in other seasons of my life, too. I wanted to fit in to the “good mom” mold and the “good wife” mold.” These seemed like molds that were very important to fit into.
Can you relate to that feeling of wanting to fit in?
To be honest, fitting in still tries to worm its way into my thinking. Just the other day I put on a new hat that I got to wear when I take my walks. When I put it on and looked in the mirror, I could clearly see that it would definitely protect my face from the sun, but guess what the first words were that popped into my head? Yep! “You look weird!”
Really? That voice is still bothering me after six decades on the planet?
Why do we try so hard to squeeze into a mold that can never fit? I think it’s because fitting in and following the rules makes you feel safe.
Rules Assure You That You’re Doing Life Right
For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved knowing the rules and loved following them. As a young girl, I especially loved pointing out when someone else, usually my little sister, was breaking the rules. When that happened, I expected immediate justice.
It was a system that made me feel safe and comfortable.
Maybe you’re a rule lover like me, or more of a rule-breaker, and you wonder how anybody could live that way, following all the rules all the time.
Either way, the point is that rules exist for a reason: to give us a formula to follow to keep things civil and organized. To keep us safe.
And lots of times, that formula is necessary! I know I wouldn’t want to drive my car, for example, without knowing that everybody else is also following the rules.
But what about when it comes to following the acceptable rules for aging, where does that formula lead?
Where the Rules for Aging Appropriately Can’t Take You
I thought, especially as a young wife, that if I followed all the rules, only good things would happen. That I would be protected from hurt and protected from harm.
I know that sounds naïve, and believe me, when I look back, I can see how naïve I was because following the rules and being a good girl did not lead me to the happily-ever-after life I hoped for.
When my marriage ended after 25 years, I was shocked and stunned. I couldn’t believe that something like that could happen to a good rule-following girl like me. But it did.
That brought me to the very real conclusion through experience that following rules is not the way to find joy, especially when those rules are written by a world that doesn’t know anything different from just looking at one another and comparing what seems to be right and who seems to be winning.
So, you’ve got to put that belief on a shelf and accept that living by the rules won’t lead to the lasting joy you’re looking for.
Then that leads to the question, “What will?”
You Were Created for More Than Following the Rules and Aging Appropriately
This is where the beauty of choosing the weird way lies. You were created for more than living by the rules of a world that wants to keep you in a box that says this is age-appropriate and this is not.
God created you, me, and everyone with a unique and eccentric personality, interests, and gifts that are meant to be shared with one another.
That’s how we learn and grow together—by sharing our uniqueness.
It’s easy to look for people who look like us and have the same ideas, who think like us. And yes, finding those places of belonging, that’s super important.
I’ll be sharing in the next episode how to find heart connections and deep soul friendships in this season of life. I’m actually working on that right now in my own new neighborhood, so I’m excited to share how it’s going.
But what I’m talking about now is not that. It’s not about finding community and a sense of belonging, which are essential to aging well.
No, I’m talking about the kind of fitting in that makes you dim your light, cover up some of who you really are, and pull back or hide the incredible fullness that makes you YOU. That’s what you were created for.
So, the question really is, what will aging joyfully look like for you?
What Will Aging Joyfully Look Like for You?
Well, to some people, it’s going to look weird. Because you’ll probably start making choices that raise a few eyebrows. You’ll be following your joy instead of what’s “appropriate” for this season of life.
I’m really intrigued by this idea because if I’m going to be the eccentric old lady that the neighbors chuckle over because I’m doing something I love, I think that’s ok with me.
While I’m getting comfortable doing something I’ve been created to do and can feel God’s joy over me using the gifts he’s given me, then hey, bring it on. I’ll be that crazy lady in the neighborhood. That sounds like a perfect plan to me.
And if you feel the same way, if you’ve gotten to a place where you don’t care so much what other people think and want to be that wild, eccentric, maybe a little weird person that God designed you to be, then let’s do this together!
God Created You to Stand Out.
He’s known you since you were in your mother’s womb. He has a design that He’s had in mind for you all along. He has a purpose and a plan for you.
If you can hold on to that truth, you can let go of trying so hard to fit into the mold of “aging gracefully” or “aging appropriately.” Because you’ll know that you fit into the much bigger story God has in mind for you.
You belong to Him, and He’s created you with something special in mind. Figuring out that special thing is where you’ll find your joy—by becoming wholly the person that God created you to be.
Embracing healthy aging means embracing your own unique, eccentric personality and the world will probably find that weird.
That’s OK! Because the only rule book that matters in this and every season of life is the one you write with God.
Some people will raise their eyebrows and wonder what’s happened to you. You used to be so easy to get along with. You used to be so predictable. You used to fit in.
But now, you’re doing things that light you up from the inside. You’re embracing your wild, weird, wise, genuine self and saying this is the woman God created you to be.
He’s not finished with you yet. It’s your time to shine!
