6 Smart Moves for Making New Friends in Midlife

Who doesn’t want a best friend or two? Someone to share all the joys and challenges that life brings. With all the highs and lows of midlife, having a supportive circle of friends around you is more important now than ever.

But life changes like a move after downsizing, a newly empty nest, or some other midlife shift can leave you in a spot where you don’t know as many people as you’d like to.

And you’re discovering that in this season of life, making new friends isn’t as easy as it once was.

Are you wondering where your people are at?

Let’s talk about making new friends in midlife. Why it feels so hard (no, that’s not just your imagination) and six smart moves you can make to find your people and grow friendships that will last through midlife and beyond.

The Surprising Truth About Making New Friends in Midlife

When I moved into a townhome in a new city about two years ago, I was downsizing from the home where I raised my kids for over 25 years. I was sad to leave the neighbors I knew so well, but I was excited to make a fresh start.

With less house to care for, fewer responsibilities and more free time, I pictured lots of happy empty nest moments spent with new friends in my new neighborhood.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that I’d landed not only in a new city but in a whole new stage of life where meeting people and making new friends wasn’t happening as easily as I thought it would.

While many of my neighbors are also empty-nesters or retirees, we are a busy bunch.

We smile and wave when we’re coming and going, but only a few have stopped long enough to say hello or have a friendly chat.

So, I quickly adjusted my expectations and accepted that making new friends in my new spot would take some effort.

Why is Making Friends in Midlife So Hard?

When you were a kid, it’s likely that friendships happened naturally. You went to the same school, sat next to each other in class and liked to play some of the same games at recess. A no-fail recipe for friendship!

As a young adult, new friendships formed around starting your career and your family. Later, you met friends who shared similar lives. You bonded with other parents at kid’s sporting events, with neighbors over home improvements, and with co-workers over the next big project.

By the time you hit midlife, you may have felt pretty confident that you had this friend-making business figured out.

But after a move, or retirement, or kids leaving for college, or any number of other midlife changes, the built-in opportunities to meet and hang out regularly with potential new friends seem to evaporate.

You may have started to think that figuring out how to make new friends in midlife is a puzzle too big to solve, and you’ll just have to be okay with spending more time alone.

But before you go there, let’s talk about why friendship matters and why it’s worth the effort.

The Importance of Making Friends in Midlife

Deep connections have been repeatedly linked to improved physical and mental health and even to longevity.

In the Netflix documentary Secrets of the Blue Zones, author and researcher Dan Buettner travels around the world to learn more about communities with high concentrations of people living to 100 years of age or older.

Among other things, he discovered that the world’s longest-living people curate supportive social circles and that having friends is as vital to long and healthy lives as diet, exercise, and genetics.

Loneliness, on the other hand, is linked to depression, anxiety, obesity, diabetes, heart disease and even sleep loss.

Healthy, nurturing relationships are essential to living your best life because you are designed for connection. To feel seen, heard and loved and to give that gift to others.

So, having good friends is good for you. It gives you better health, a longer life, a sense of belonging, and just makes life more fun.

But without the built-in moments of bonding that happened earlier in life, how will you make new best friends?

Your Path to Making New Friends in Midlife

You can’t just sit back and hope new friends will find you.

You’ve got to get intentional. And that means making six smart moves that will lead you to the deep and lasting friendships you’re looking for.

The first smart move is making new friendships a priority.

1. Make Growing Friendships a Priority

Until now, life may have seemed like one long list of responsibilities. You might still have a list filled with duties like your career, caring for aging parents or helping with grandchildren.

But as your schedule changes and time opens up in your day, don’t be so quick to fill it with more “must-do” items. All those projects you put off until someday aren’t going anywhere.

Instead, start scheduling some time on your calendar now to do things where you’ll meet new people and potential new friends.

That leads to the second smart move for making new friends in midlife:

2. Step Outside Your Friendship Comfort Zone

Your new best friends aren’t going to find you sitting on your couch scrolling through Instagram or binge-watching Netflix. So, you’re going to have to put yourself in situations that might not feel as comfortable as hanging out at home.

Ugh, I know!  This is a challenge for me, too. But I believe in you!

You can do it if you give yourself permission to ease into—or back into—being social.

And how to do that happens to be the next smart move:

3. Sign Up for Something – Anything! – Where New Midlife Friends Might Gather

Start watching for opportunities to sign up for something – it doesn’t have to be perfect.

It could be a class at your local community college, a sports club, a book group, or a gym—anything that sounds interesting to you and involves meeting other people face-to-face.

Set your intention – for example, meeting at least one new person while you’re there. Then, take a deep breath and go.

What’s one new thing you could sign up for to meet potential new friends this month?

Now, I would never ask you to do something I wouldn’t do myself. So, I want to share how this has been playing out for me.

How Making New Friends is Going for Me

A few weeks ago, I saw that my church was hosting a 55+ Taco Tuesday night. I like tacos, I’m over 55, and I’m a newer member of this church, so I don’t know a lot of folks yet. I thought this might be a nice way to break the ice.

The downside was that the one friend I do know at church was out of town, so that meant going alone, which is way outside my comfort zone.

But I’m being intentional about spending time with people who might become friends, right? So, I signed up, and I went.

On my way there, I started getting cold feet. So, I made a deal with myself that I only had to stay for an hour. That if I felt too awkward or uncomfortable, I could bounce. And that’s about how long I lasted.

Everybody there seemed to already know each other. They were friendly in that polite sort of way, but I immediately sensed that I was going to have to work pretty hard to keep conversations going as the new girl.

In the past, I might have felt like that was a bust.

But two things happened:

What I Learned from My First Try at Finding New Friends

First, I now know (or at least recognize) a few more people who I see at church on Sundays.

And second, taking the brave first step of going alone gave me the confidence to try another new thing.

The following week, I gathered up my newfound courage and went alone to a Meetup group of women focused on health and wellness.

I got lost on the way and got there about 20 minutes late. In the past, that would have been enough to send me straight home to try another day. But I’m being intentional, right? So, I stayed the course, took a deep breath, and joined them.

And guess what? They were warm and welcoming, and I left feeling great.

So great that I awkwardly approached the other first-timer to the group as we were walking to our cars and asked if she’d like to meet for coffee or a walk together on another day. And she said YES!

She even texted me afterward, and this is what she wrote: “So glad I met you, Jody! I appreciate that you are ready to jump in for new friendships.”

Success!

Somebody is out there waiting to meet you, too!

You just might need to make the first move, which happens to be the next smart move in this list of ways to make new connections.

4. Make the First Move to Start a New Midlife Friendship

When you meet a friendly new face, ask them if they’d like to hang out.

I know this might be another step outside your comfort zone, but believe it or not, others are looking for friendship, too, and may be too shy to say so.

So be the one who makes the first move and see what happens. If she declines, don’t take it personally.

Some women at this stage of life have more responsibilities, not less. If her life is filled with more than she can handle, she might not be able to be a new friend right now, and that’s okay.

Not all your efforts will lead to success. But progress, not perfection, is the goal when making new friends.

Okay, just two more smart friendship moves to think about …

5. Stay Curious About the Potential New Friends You Meet

As you meet new people, keep an open mind if you connect with someone older or younger than you, from a different part of the world, or comes from a different background.

Relax and engage. Join the conversation, ask good questions, and listen with the goal of getting to know potential new friends.

You may be pleasantly surprised to find that a new friend who at first seemed like an odd match is someone who inspires you the most in this new season of life.

And finally,

6. Keep Showing Up for Your Friends and Yourself

Close friendships take time and effort so give yourself the gift of committing to the process of making new friends in midlife.

Keep showing up for the new friends you meet. And keep showing up for yourself, too.

Give yourself a pat on the back every time you make a move toward making new friends. This might take a while, but maybe not!

Your new best friend could be as close as the next woman who smiles when you say hello.

Don’t give up.

God’s not finished with you yet. It’s your time to shine.

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