I’m just going to come right out and say it: the #1 enemy of aging well is often fear.
Fear of changes to your body, your relationships, and your place in the world. Fear of the unknown. Uncertainty about what lies ahead.
It’s normal to think about the changes and challenges that come with aging.
But when fear is at the root of your concerns about aging well, healthy concern can turn into full-blown anxiety.
And anxiety fueled by fear keeps you from pursuing opportunities for growth and stops you from finding the joy and fulfillment God wants for you in the second half of life.
Let’s talk about how you can beat the #1 enemy of aging well by putting midlife fear in its place so you can age with more confidence, courage and grace.
Fear is not your friend when it comes to midlife and aging well.
Whether it’s the full-blown anxiety-inducing kind or the quiet kind that simmers in the background, fear cuts you off from stepping confidently into your next season.
It does this by causing two very different but equally unhelpful responses.
Denial, where you avoid or ignore the thing you fear or obsessive thinking, where you double down on finding ways to control what you fear.
Here’s an example of how that plays out in my own life:
Health care is an area where I can easily convince myself that I don’t need any special attention. I tell myself that I can probably skip my checkup this year if I don’t have any symptoms. I don’t need to spend the time or money.
But I’ve lived in a sunny climate for over 40 years. I love being outside, hiking, and going to the beach. So, I know I need to go every year to get my skin looked at by a dermatologist.
Almost every year, she looks me over and says the words I love to hear: “Ok, you’re good. I don’t see any spots that we need to take care of.”
But one year, I did have a spot, and she had to take a chunk from my forehead. Hurray for early detection! And now I’m the first to encourage others to go for regular checkups.
But now I have a good reason to feel anxious about this annual visit.
And if I give in to my anxiety, I land squarely on the side of denial. Where my brain says, “Hmmm…I don’t see anything that needs to be looked at.” When what’s really happening is I don’t want to go because I’m afraid I might get bad news.
In the same situation, another woman’s brain might go to a place of obsessing over every freckle and spot. Worrying herself sick over how much time she spends in the sun or deciding to stay inside as much as possible. Wondering if she should call her doctor again.
So you see, the same fear but two different responses: denial or obsessive thinking.
Responses that make you feel like you’re protecting yourself from the things that scare you about aging. But actually, they’re making things worse.
Midlife fear can lead to obsessive thinking.
When midlife fear leads to obsessive thinking, you become overly concerned and laser-focused on finding ways to take control.
For example, you might become obsessed with anti-aging promises that lead you to some unhealthy choices. Things like restrictive dieting, overexercising, or buying every new age-fighting supplement or cream that shows up on your feed.
Or you might grow obsessive over the fear of your relationships changing. You don’t know how to let go of your growing kids or aging parents, so you look for ways to stay in control. Your attempts to stay connected begin to feel unhealthy and manipulative to the very people you’re desperately trying to love.
Obsessing over how to stop the changes that naturally come with aging locks you into the past.
It robs you of the attention and energy you need to invest in the new life God is inviting you to. You’re so busy focusing on one narrow part of life that you miss the growth opportunities God sends your way every day.
Midlife fear can lead to denial.
Now on the other hand, when midlife fear leads to denial, you might put your head in the sand and ignore the changes happening in your life, your body, and your relationships.
You might tell yourself that your body doesn’t need anything different than what it did when you were younger. That you don’t need more rest or a different kind of diet or that you don’t need to be seen regularly by a doctor.
Denial fueled by midlife fear also impacts your relationships. It can cause you to deny when things are going haywire, ignore when something is wrong, or refuse to believe that things are in fact changing.
Denial robs you and the people you care about of the opportunity to grow together by talking through difficult topics that must be discussed – even if you’re afraid – if you want your relationships to last.
If you find yourself ignoring things like annual checkups or avoiding difficult situations or conversations with friends or family, it’s possible that fear has taken over and is keeping you from the healthy life and relationships you want in the second half.
How to reign in midlife fear.
So, what can you do when you recognize that fear is at the core of your concerns and behaviors around aging well?
It starts with noticing what you’re doing out of fear.
When you realize, “Hey! I’m avoiding this, or I’m trying to control this, or I’m thinking about this too much.” Ask yourself, “Is there something here that I’m afraid of? And if so, what is it?”
Once you’ve identified the midlife fear you’re dealing with – and your unhelpful protective response, whether denial or obsessive thinking – you can put fear in its place with a two-part antidote.
The antidote to midlife fear is twofold.
The first part is faith. Take your fears to God and say, “Lord, I believe you’ve got me, but please forgive my unbelief.”
Humankind has struggled with fear and unbelief from the very beginning of time. There is nothing about feeling both faith and doubt together that is anything but human. We all struggle with fear. We all struggle with what feels like a lack of faith.
But when you take your fears to God and say, “I don’t know what to do about this. I know I should see a doctor. I know I should have this hard conversation. But I’m afraid. Can you help me?”
God’s word tells us that even with the faith of a mustard seed, His answer is YES. He will show you the next right step and give you the courage to take it.
And that leads to the second part of the remedy to fear: taking action.
Not the kind of controlling action that stems from obsessing over the situation. This is action based on faith: taking the next step God shows you, doing the next right thing.
Taking action quiets obsessive thinking and wakes you up out of denial.
When you take action, you alert your brain and your fear that you’re going to trust God and take this step—even though you’re scared, even though you still feel uncertain, even though you don’t have any idea about what might happen next.
All of that is okay. Again, that is being human. Give yourself permission to take messy action, even when your heart is not yet synced up with your head.
Our God is all-knowing. He’s not sitting back wondering what will happen. So, you don’t have to do that either. You can trust Him to lead you into what’s next.
And with each faith-filled step, you’ll feel a little less afraid. A little more certain. And you’ll overcome your fear and ultimately defeat the #1 enemy of aging well.
You can beat the #1 enemy of aging well by conquering midlife fear.
When I work with women in my Blooming in the Middle Signature Program, we do this together. We talk about the areas where God is inviting you to grow your faith and uncover the action steps that will move you toward finding your next purpose, aging with confidence, and building the relationships you want to carry you into your next season.
If you grapple with midlife fear, let’s talk about how we can work together to help you break free so you can step into the second-half life God created you for.
Because He’s not finished with you yet. It’s your time to shine.
