Sometimes the influences in midlife slip in like background music. They set the tone and tempo night and day.
They can be upbeat and positive like the music at a theme park that makes you want to run straight to the first ride you see.
Or they can be dark and ominous like in a scary movie when you know it’s time to cover your eyes.
You might not notice what’s playing in the background of midlife or when the message subtly changes. But there’s no doubt about it. Who and what you listen to impacts how you think and feel about aging.
When you listen too long to the wrong voices, you’ll find yourself believing things about midlife that just aren’t true.
Let’s talk about how to identify and tune out the negative messages and how to tune in to the truth that growing older isn’t a scary problem to be solved. It’s a gift to be nurtured, celebrated and enjoyed.
Negative Midlife Influences Sneak in Unseen
I know this from experience because several years ago, I struggled with anxiety. It impacted a number of areas of my life but became especially troubling when I started to fear driving to unfamiliar destinations.
My usual confidence to explore new places disappeared, and I found myself missing out on things that I normally would have enjoyed. Just to avoid having to navigate what I suddenly felt to be the dangerous streets of San Diego.
Where was this fear coming from? I found the answer when I took a look at the background noise that filled my days.
At the time, headline news kept me company. It blared from the radio every time I hopped in my car. It greeted me at breakfast as I perused the daily headlines over my coffee and toast. And it filled my living room late at night after I put my kids to bed.
Without even realizing it, I was consuming a steady diet of anxiety. I heard somewhere (probably in a news broadcast!) that turning off the news might help reduce stress. And guess what? It worked!
Once I became aware of and turned off this unhealthy soundtrack to my daily life, my fear began to disappear. Instead of shrinking back from the unknown, I found myself leaning in. Into the new and unfamiliar places where God was calling me to join Him.
So, how about you?
Is the Soundtrack of Midlife Helping or Hurting You?
Every day you’re bombarded with dozens of ideas about everything from politics to the best skincare regimen. Over time, you develop opinions, a worldview and guiding principles that are unique to your experience and the information you’ve collected.
You form opinions about yourself, your relationships and in midlife – your ideas about aging.
Unfortunately, much of what our noisy world tells you about growing older isn’t motivated by a desire to help you age well. Instead, it’s meant to plant seeds of worry, doubt, and fear.
And then offer up solutions that will usually cost you something. Sometimes, that something is actual money, and sometimes it’s simply your time, attention, and peace of mind.
Need some examples?
Here are a few things the internet, social media, my favorite TV show, and even a novel I’m reading told me I should be concerned about when it comes to aging just this week.
In no particular order:
- My sagging chin line.
- Not having enough money at retirement.
- Wrinkles.
- Menopause.
- Loneliness.
- Declining sexual interest
- Unattractiveness.
- Getting a serious illness or having to care for someone I love who gets sick, and how will I pay for it?
- And the cherry on top is the supposed masses who complain about a youth-obsessed culture that believes anyone over the age of 40 is irrelevant.
Yikes! If I didn’t know how to screen these messages and balance them with the truth, I’d be a mess right now!
Here’s the Truth About Midlife
Here’s what these voices aren’t telling you: There are plenty of positive things about aging. I know, that goes against the grain of an all-out effort to be forever young, but here are the truths about middle age that more women should be talking about:
- It gets easier to speak your mind as you grow older.
- You’ll spend a lot less time trying to impress others as you grow more comfortable in your own skin.
- You will be disappointed. By circumstances, life, and the people you love. But you’ve learned that there are many ways to do things. You’ve got the experience and grit to regroup, reset, and start again.
- Your children will leave you. That’s the goal. But there are dozens of ways to stay close and connected. And we live in a time when that’s more possible than ever.
- Your looks will change. There will be wrinkles. But you can choose to wear them well.
How to Identify Lies About Midlife
OK, so you might be thinking to yourself, “While all of the above might be true, what do I do to guard against the never-ending influences about aging that just won’t shut up?
How do I screen unhelpful messages in the moment?”
How will you know a lie when you hear one?
The biggest clue I’ve found is this: Every lie about aging has one thing in common. It will play on your fear.
When something you hear causes you to want to shrink instead of grow, to live smaller instead of larger, to stay quiet instead of using your voice, examine that thing with real suspicion.
Yes, it’s important to stay informed about the challenges of aging. So, of course, you’ll be reading, listening and learning all you can to stay physically and mentally healthy and strong in the second half of life.
But when something you hear stirs fear, doubt, or despair, when it moves you away from the confidence you have in God, that’s a very good clue that you’re listening to the wrong voices.
You Can Grow Midlife Wisdom Based in Truth
There’s work to be done in midlife if you want to be able to say, “I’m content and satisfied. I believe I’m following God’s plan for me.”
That work starts with paying close attention to the influences you allow inside your head.
When voices say your age makes you irrelevant, remember that you’re here for a reason.
The challenges of aging, just like all of life’s challenges, come so you can grow and become who you’re meant to be. Fear and worry about sagging chins and wrinkles distract you from that purpose.
When you believe that you’re no longer attractive, get real with yourself and God about what’s happening to your body, but more importantly, about what’s happening in your life.
Ask yourself, “What do I need to do to value myself not for the way I look but for the woman God created me to be?
It’s a hard truth that fewer people notice women of a certain age. But something surprising is wrapped up in that truth.
You understand that your looks no longer represent who you are and how you engage. No more asking and wondering, “Who’s looking at me?”
When the answer is “hardly anyone,” you’re free to replace your concern about how you look with an avid desire to live your life without worrying about what anyone else is thinking.
When you think you’re too old to learn something new, tell that bully in your brain that you’re smart enough to handle your finances, learn a new skill, conquer a fear, start a business, retire or not.
Find something you want to get better at, stop using age as an excuse, and get busy learning.
You have skills you may not even know you possess. In my Blooming in the Middle Signature Program, I help women just like you discover their next passion and purpose so you can age with confidence and joy.
Listen For the One Voice That Matters in Midlife
The voice from God doesn’t sound like fear or anxiety. It doesn’t stir up doubt or point out your loneliness. It doesn’t condemn or judge.
It’s the welcoming voice that invites you in to explore what’s next. It reminds you of who you are and who you’re still becoming.
So, when midlife begins to feel crowded with unwanted voices – influences that sneak in uninvited and cause you to shrink back from the great big life God still wants for you – it’s time to turn off the noise and get intentional about listening to the one voice that matters.
You’ll know it’s Him because you’ll feel your heart expand and open up. His soundtrack inspires you – not to shrink back – but to step out into the life He created you for.
He’s not finished with you yet. It’s your time to shine.
